the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
