Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
