he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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