Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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