a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
