isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
