I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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