I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
