I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
