This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize