I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
