we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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