so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
