just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
