i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
