I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
