wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
