Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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