careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
