Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
