Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
