just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
