my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
