My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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