You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
