Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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