You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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