I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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