remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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