Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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