Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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