That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
