the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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