Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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