My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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