When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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