his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
