I look better un-naked...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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