I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
