when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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