I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
