Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
