It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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