I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
