Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
