As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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