You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
