she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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