Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
