I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
