So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
