The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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