i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
