At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
