I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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