you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
