she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
