tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
