I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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