I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
