we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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