I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i out mim tonsoeep
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
