So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
