We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just gargled with NyQuil
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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