where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
